Young and destroyed; I have experienced the grace of heaven, the struggle of being on earth and the agonizing flames of hell. Letting go of what was important I engulfed myself in selfish desire. I decided to throw it all away just to have a taste of their sinful pleasures. A moment so short I can’t even recall. I don’t remember the feel or even understand how I conceptualized such an irrational idea. What a fool I am for allowing it to become the action that now imprisons my unreachable ideals. Gave complete control over my mind to an irrational self. A worthless corrupted state of mind only existent because I allowed it. I allowed this worthless glorified version of my ego to take over and destroy it all. Now, I can never look back. My penitence will never be enough to satiate the judgment passed down by my now more sane consciousness.
I will now move forward even if it means being looked down. I know what I did. Living everyday in my own encased mind tormented by the many things I can never re-do. Held back by my own decisions and self-sentenced to eternal repentance. Even so I look forward and decide to never fall again. To never be corrupted again and to give. To give my all to anybody who needs it. My soul, my knowledge, my experience to stop anyone I can from becoming what I was. Now you know me as a friend, the teacher, the baker, the policeman, the preacher. Trapped in my self loathing. I will keep on. I will show you my best and, will give you my all.
Textual Tensions 