Falling to my knees is my relief from all this pain. My life’s heavy, it crushes my soul and causes my dismay. This feeling of bleakness shuts all my doors and, makes it hard to self-control. My existence is trapped in an endless loop that constantly breaks me apart.
Constantly losing my appetite is making me starve. I don’t feel the hunger or even its pain, I just feel empty and self-betrayed. These are feelings I can’t comprehend. It’s not love, it’s not despair; Is it a lack of self-care?
This feeling of absence that dwells within my body it’s a curse. It’s like living in an empty shell. Am I myself? Or, am I someone else? To be honest I don’t even care. Everyday thinking of how to end it all; no help arrives no matter how much I ask. Am I just weak? I can’t understand.
A disaster that may be self-announced, one that can be self-account. As a perishing prisoner shackled inside my body yet, outside my mind; I’m a resident in an emotionless abyss where all I do is sink and drown in misery and disarray. A constant feeling of darkness that overpowers my will and takes control of my thoughts. To deal with the constant clash of my perception and reality it’s making me insane. I don’t know just how much longer I can hold it in. Just, how much longer can I fight alone?
A monochromatic hue is taking over my sight as I feel how the world banishes me from its majestic play. I didn’t know it would be this hard to move on. My body is halfway sunk in an ethereal quicksand as I struggle to move without success.
While a constant feeling of disconnect stays I want to believe, a light of hope is still within reach. Is it you?
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We never truly know how a friend, family member or even a stranger feels. Suspend judgment and just listen. A simple “How are you doing?”, “How are you feeling?” can change a life.
Resources:
Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
The Trevor Project offers crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ people, ages 13-24. The Trevor Project offers a 24/7 crisis intervention hotline (1-866-488-7386)
Textual Tensions 