Getting drunk to get lost

This burning feeling down my throat, diverting if even for a moment the pain that takes me here every night. Feelings I don’t seem to be able to run from, no matter how much I come here. No matter how much I hide, I don’t seem to succeed. They always find a way to knock down the metaphorical doors of my constant neglection. Looking for a tranquil moment, I come here. I come here to run away. The burning feeling down my throat that takes away all my pain and, with it my memories for a while become my vice. I become numb to my surrounding and get lost in a spinning world I don’t recognize but, quickly become a resident of.

I let go of everything and drown into the emptiness of this moment. I open my eyes and I’m back to remembering it all. I’m back to my cruel unforgiving reality. I just want to run away and leave it all behind. Being a prey of my constant judgement. I’ve destroyed my connections. I miss my lover, I miss my child. I miss all the moments we shared. I miss dinner and being with friends. I miss my heart being filled with emotions and much more. Waking up to pursue a better me and going to sleep reflecting on who I am and who I’ll be.

I’m going to face it. I can’t run away from me anymore. I can’t keep numbing myself to the beauty that awaits. It’s hard sometimes but, I miss it. I don’t know how I’ll do it but, I will. I’ll move on. I won’t allow my vice to become my life. I’ll drown my vice into the oblivion my thoughts could never reach.