Once again I find myself in the darkness of my desires. Wondering, how do I find peace at night? Just how do I wander into slumber? Sometimes, I just wish it was a never ending rest. A way to protect my soul in an self-made ethereal nirvana; alone co-existing in a eternal delusional dream.
Everyday dreading my existence and afraid of my sins. I don’t know how I’m still here. Undeserving of this moment and uncertain of everyday of my life. I just want to run away and disintegrate my existence into the ever expanding cosmos. I just want to be remembered in the oblivion of time. Yet, you’re still there.
It pains me to see you everyday. Your beautiful smile, your imperfectly perfect self, the way you walk, just everything about you makes me feel a certain way. I don’t know if it’s pure love or sinful desire. I want you by my side yet, I can’t see you this way. I won’t be yours and you can’t be mine. My sole presence will wither away you’re smile and slowly wipe out your kindness.
I’m just a cruel man in disguise and you’re radiant perfection. Your sole existence its a blessing to this world and mine it’s a stygian curse. While you are worth being called a goddess I’m but a servant to the underworld. One without a worthy story or even a sole redeeming quirk. I’m the worse that can happen to you yet, you keep approaching me. I need to push you away from me.
All of this just spells a Shakespearean tragedy for your story. A perfect vacuum without a single hope left, just silence and emptiness will remain. A perfectly crafted work of destruction where you’ll be left all alone. A desolated wasteland where only despair and hopelessness will be at your reach. I will destroy your essence and, just like that my life.
Sometimes is just not meant to be. I know is a selfish thing to do. I’m taking this decision on my own accord. No discussion necessary even though, this is for us. A self-righteous move, one I’ll never forget and always lament.
Today, I’ll look into your eyes and give you my fabricated heart in a few word that I know will sting ours souls, “We can’t be together. I don’t love you” I’ll say, knowing damn well that I do. I’ll be the best actor. I’ll put a performance worthy of an audience. I know, it’ll be for the best. I don’t deserve you at all. I don’t deserve your love, your care, your lips. I’ll live in my dystopian utopia knowing you’ll do well. Even when rooting away I’ll have your memories caressing the remnants of my soul and for me that’s more than enough.
Textual Tensions 